Change Personal History

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Pick Your Memory and Create a Safety Net

Start by choosing a significant negative memory, one that still bothers you when you think about it. Before diving in, grab something neutral nearby (like a pen or a rock) to be your ‘safety object.’ If things feel too intense at any point, just touch this object to help yourself feel grounded again.

Now, really step into that negative memory. See what you saw, hear what you heard, feel what you felt. While you’re in this state, create a unique gesture (like touching your thumb and finger together), this will be your anchor for this feeling.

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Find Similar Memories

Let your mind wander and find other times in your life when you felt the same way. Each time you remember one, use that same gesture you just created. You might want to jot down each memory and roughly how old you were.

Keep searching until it gets harder to find more memories. This can feel intense, remember your safety object is there if you need it.

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Find the First Memory, Then Take a Break

Look at all the memories you found and identify the earliest one. This is often where the pattern started. Once you’ve found it, get up and move around, stretch, shake it off, maybe grab a glass of water. This helps clear your mind for what’s next.

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Identify Your Current Strengths

Come back to the present moment. Think about who you are now versus who you were then. Ask yourself: “What skills or qualities do I have now that would have helped me back then?”

Maybe it’s confidence, the ability to speak up, a sense of humour, better boundaries, or simply more life experience. Write these down, no strength is too small.

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Create a Strength Anchor

For each strength you identified, really feel what it’s like to have that quality. Let it fill you up. Create a new, different gesture for these positive feelings (maybe pressing your palms together or touching your heart). Then combine all these strengths into one powerful gesture that’s different from your negative anchor.

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Blend the Old with the New

Here’s where the magic happens. Activate both gestures at the same time, the negative one and the positive one. While doing this, think of that earliest memory. Imagine your current strengths flowing into that old memory, like adding colour to a black-and-white photo. Notice how the memory starts to feel different.

Do this for each memory you found earlier. You don’t have to go in order; mix it up if that feels right. If you feel a bit confused during this step, that’s actually a good sign, it means change is happening.

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Take a Real Break

Step away from this work completely. Go for a walk, have a snack, watch something funny, whatever helps you shift gears. Your mind needs time to process and reorganise.

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Check Your Progress

After your break, think about the original memory again. How does it feel now? If it feels more neutral or distant, like something that happened but doesn’t define you, that’s perfect. If it still feels really charged, try the blending process again or consider trying a different approach.

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Practice for the Future

Think about a future situation that would typically trigger those old feelings. Activate your strength gesture, then imagine using it in different ways. Play out various scenarios, both what you expect and what might surprise you. This helps your brain prepare to respond differently when these situations actually happen.

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Notice the Changes

Over the coming days and weeks, pay attention to how you feel about these memories and situations. You might notice you feel calmer, less reactive, or simply free to focus on other things. If new difficult memories come up, you now know how to work with them.